Addressing Communication Issues in Couples Therapy: Techniques for Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution in Relationships

Couples can seek couples therapy for many reasons, but one of the most common is to improve communication. Without effective communication, it can be more difficult to resolve conflicts. But also improve your relationship. It can start out as small misunderstandings or disagreements. But if these issues are not addressed on time, they can start to build up and become something much larger.

Having the strategies and techniques to effectively communicate is a key component of couples therapy. These can help you and your partner learn how to express your feelings and need in a constructive way. This can also help you become better problem solvers when disagreements arise. In this blog, we will explore some communication techniques that can help improve your relationship.

What are Common Issues Couples Might Experience?

Each couple comes to couples therapy with its own unique set of issues. But there are some common communication issues that couples often struggle with. Some couples have a partner that will not communicate at all and the situation is not addressed. This can lead to feelings of frustration, resentment, and feeling unheard. Sometimes, both partners are this way and their communication simply shuts down.

They Avoid Tough Conversations Altogether Because They are Worried that Things Will Get Worse.

Other couples have one partner that expects the other to be a mind-reader. When their partner doesn't guess what they are thinking or feeling, they get frustrated. The other partner then is left feeling confused, unheard, and frustrated. Another example of a common issue is when one partner expects to constantly be right.

This can lead to the other partner feeling invalidated, controlled, or unheard. It can also lead to the other partner shutting down or getting defensive as a way of protecting themselves. Every couple and the partners in it are unique and have different communication issues that need to be addressed. This is why couples therapy has such an important role in helping couples learn how to effectively communicate.

What are Some Techniques and Strategies Taught in Couples Therapy for Effective Communication?

When couples come to us for therapy at Sharp Wellness,  we utilize the Gottman method, which is based on decades of research by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. Using the Relationship Checklist helps to target your relationship's particular needs and show you and your Gottman-trained couples therapist, Rachel Innerarity, where to focus and what areas you can skip.

All of the techniques we use are designed to reduce conflict and improve communication. One of the top reasons people come to our couples therapy is to improve communication. Here are some of the techniques we often use in therapy:

Start the Conversation with a Gentle Start

When couples start off a conversation with criticism, blaming, attacking, and contempt it usually does not end well. This is considered a harsh startup and it can make it difficult for the conversations to end positively. Meaning, it can lead to more relationship dissatisfaction.

In couples therapy, we recommend our clients try using “I” statements to talk about their own needs rather than focusing on their partner’s flaws.

This puts the focus on yourself and how you feel while expressing a positive future need, rather than what you don’t want. This can set the tone for a positive conversation. For example,  if you're feeling frustrated with your partner, rather than saying “you are always late”, say something like “I feel frustrated when you are late because I want to be able to spend time with you”.

Dreams Within Conflict

69% of problems in relationships are perpetual and will not completely disappear. These problems are usually a result of differences in the couple's personalities, upbringing, core values, and beliefs. Dreams Within Conflict is designed to help each person understand why a certain issue might be more significant for them than it might seem.

For example, one partner is concerned with getting Christmas gifts, which might seem shallow. However, if we look deeper, the issue may be that this partner never received Christmas gifts as a child. This made them feel as if they were not valued by their parents. So, this is why the issue of Christmas gifts is so important to them.

The idea behind Dreams Within Conflict is that it gives the listener specific questions to ask. Only, they don't have the opportunity to try and solve the problem, be defensive, or change the subject. This form of communication may not be natural, but it is a great starting point. But, some of these concepts can be internalized with practice and become natural.

Describe, But Don't Judge

In couples, it can be hard when you feel as if your partner is not listening or understanding you. But, usually, the problem lies in how we communicate our needs and concerns to them. Instead of accusing or blaming your partner, describe what you see.  Instead of “You never cook dinner,” try saying, “I’m really exhausted. Could you handle dinner tonight?"

This way, your partner is less likely to feel criticized and more likely to understand your point of view when you use this method. The important part of this is that you need to be clear and not expect your partner to read your mind. That will create another problem and lead to more conflict.

At Sharp Wellness, we help couples learn how to effectively communicate with one another. We believe that it is important to effectively communicate in relationships. To increase connection, understanding, and trust. We use Gottman-trained therapists and other effective techniques. This way we can help couples learn how to effectively communicate. We understand that communication is hard, but it can be done with the right guidance and tools.

Start Effectively Communicating Today With Couples Therapy in Birmingham, AL, or McKinney, TX

You want to learn how to talk to your partner without it ending in a fight or you feeling unheard. We at Sharp Wellness understand that and want to help. We have experienced and knowledgeable couples therapists located in Birmingham, AL, and McKinney, TX. Our counseling team is dedicated to helping couples effectively communicate so their relationships can thrive. If you are interested in beginning Couples Therapy:

• Book an Appointment or Contact us at contact@sharpwellnessandcounseling.com

• Learn more about our services

• Begin the journey of effectively communicating with your partner today!

Other Therapy Services at Sharp Wellness

At Sharp Wellness, our therapists know there may be more causing issues in your relationships than communication. This is why we have locations in Birmingham, AL, and Mckinney, TX. To help you with whatever issues you may be facing. Our therapists also offer a variety of therapy services to support you and your family. We offer trauma therapy, teen and adolescent therapy, individual counseling, marriage counseling, family counseling, LGBTQIA+ affirming therapy, EDMR Therapy, and Group Therapy. We also offer Couple's Intensives at our Mckinney, TX location.